June 14, 2000

Dear Friends (as so commonly written by my dad),

"And he will raise you up on eagles wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of his hand."
Psalm 91

This Psalm fits well for it is true that God has raised my family up so many times in the last year and a half. I decided I needed to take over and write a letter myself. Every time I read my dads letters they make me cry. They make our life sound so depressing, when truthfully I wouldn't trade my life for the world.

My dad was gone for the last couple of days and in those couple of days I noticed an incredible change in my mom. She speaks clearly, her short term memory is much better and she is able to speak complete thoughts. She's like our mom again, the one in charge. She has favors to ask, the kind you can't say no to. Lucy will occasionally break out into tears because she doesn't wont to do something my mom says she has to. If that's not mom power, I don't know what is. This is the first time in months when she has regained her power.

My mom is sweet, strong willed, spiritual, gentle, loving, and my mom. Some of these qualities have been hidden for a while. I can sit with her and she will bring up a topic and she can hold her own in the conversation.

Although the MRI says there is "suspicious" growth of the tumor in the middle of the brain that would be impossible to remove, I can't see it! She is strong and healthy and I can see that God will lift us up on eagles wings yet another time. To do this we are counting and praying for your prayers.

I have to admit that if I were to go back in time and there was some way to take back the cancer, in a way I wouldn't do it! I feel that ever since my mom was diagnosed with cancer I've been born. I started my life. I was reborn. I appreciate my life and I feel like I am living it every second rather than the past. I also finally found God, who is my best friend, the one I tell everything, and for me that is enough. I love my life and my family so much.

I feel a great compassion for my dad. When he leaves on business, I get this empty feeling in my stomach. I know I have this responsibility for my mom. There is always someone with me but I still feel like the one in charge, the one who knows what to do. If anything happened, I would be the one that would have to take charge. When my dad comes home, the empty feeling disappears. He is there and I trust him with my whole heart. When I then put myself in his position I realize his empty hole and the responsibility was given to him on that sunny September 6, 1998. Whether he is here in Detroit or somewhere else in the county the empty hole remains and will probably never go away. (Especially since my mom promises me she is going to live til she's eighty-three) I can than understand the pain he feels that he lets out through many of the letters he writes to you. Every time he says "I 'm watching her slip away" my stomach does a flip flop and I either want to give him a hug or scream at him. I feel like I know what's coming. I feel like God sends me the truth and hope and that I am God's messenger. I feel incredibly close to God, who is in me, the one that truly knows me and who gives me my strength and tells me of my struggles and challenges.

My dad continues to be tired and stressed out from work and life at home, but in the last week it seems his spirits have enlightened. I hope that the summer is the best rest and medication for him.

About a week ago I woke up early lying in bed to the sound of laughter and the smell of coffee. My dad was telling jokes and stories that my mom was able to interpret. They were both laughing so loud. My mom was laughing the laughter that makes your side hurt and my dad was the laughing the laugh that brings tears to his eyes. This event was rare in the last year and brought back memories of childhood. As I read this to Lucy, she smiles remembering the same day I am.

My mom seems younger and stronger again, always smiling with a "hello" or an "I love you". I feel she gets bored though, being in the house twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. She kind of just is lazy - something most of wish we had more time for- sleeps, eats, reads. She always wants help or be useful but we run out of things for her to do in the house. I hope the summer gives her more time to be with us and time at the cottage and out of the house.

Lucy just finished fourth grade, her favorite year yet. She instantly became very close to her teacher and through the summer wants to write to her. Lucy played softball this spring after loving her season of basketball. She played second base and even got some pitching time. She says that soft ball does not even compare to basketball, though. We are both starting the "Music Man" for a summer musical this year.

I have finished eighth grade with a 4.0 GPA and won the 'Outstanding Student Award'.

For the past four years St. Thomas has become my second home, I love it with all my heart. Yet I have a sigh of relief because I am glad to move on, learn new things, try and achieve new goals, and meet new friends. I have had five best friends for four years and though I am very close and love them all I want to meet new people and find more close friends. I also played softball this spring and for the first time I loved a sport. I always felt I had no athletic ability because my sister had so much. I found myself the only new player on the infield, second base, loving fielding and lead off batter, smacking the ball. I would like continue softball in high school but it is the same time as Mercy's musical and I think my theatrical/musical life will come first. I chose Mercy as my high school because I feel it has strong academics, high morals, good teachers, and a strong religious community.

So, from my perspective our life is strong, healthy, and happy. I think we are ready to face any challenges come our way. I hope all of you can soar just as high in God's palm. Love Always.

Til next the eagle soars,

Lydia Irene Wylie-Kellermann


June 15 P.S. Sadly I have to add that this morning my mom had three seizures in a row, including one that made her mouth bleed and one in the car whil my dad was driving madly to the hospital. She does not remember the seizures (never does) but she did recall a hymn sing that was put on for her the night before. There are two possible causes for the seizures. One was that we found some of her medication on the floor a couple days ago. How long had it been there? Did she forget it some time or that day? We gave her the pill anyway. She swallowed the pill and we swallowed our questions.

The other thing is that when they took a CatScan, the place where the fluid is, is larger. This could mean that her shunt is clogged. They are going to do surgery on the shunt. (My dad will probably write you about all that).

But for what she's been through today, the doctors are amazed that she is so alive and clear. I'm not surprised. I knew God would fly us again.